My Thoughts on… Me, My Kid and Life

As a mom of a teenage girl there is a constant battle between budget and buying a wardrobe that the girl is happy with and which keeps her in style.

It seems like every time we’ve got a nice wardrobe going what she wants changes. I’m pretty sure this is a common dilemma across the country and perhaps around the world. Teens change, grow, try to figure themselves out and one way they do that is through their wardrobe. Of course, the ongoing pressures of consumerism thrust upon us in this society don’t help.

I seem to have found the answer. Forever21.

I’m sure most of you already know about this fabulously cheap clothing store that also sells shoes, boots, lingerie, lounge wear, jewelry and just about everything else your little heart might desire.

A friend told me about it… about 10 years ago. I hated the name, Forever21. I don’t want to be 21 forever. I don’t want to give the impression that I have such a shallow or unworthy goal. So for years, on principle, I refused to step a foot into the store. Now, the stigmas attached to the name have left me and I love the prices, many of the fabrics and that Sophie can find what she’s looking for.

Let’s not forget about me – which as a busy mom can be so easy to do. Soph & I were rummaging through the mounds of cheap, soft fabrics in this lusciously spendthrift store the other day when I came across a couple long dresses and lounge pants which I’ve been in desperate need of for about… huh… 15 years but have never had the time, the money or have seen to replace. Yet, there they were. Lovely long, simple t-shirt dresses down to the floor for $10.80 and incredibly soft, lounge about the house pants for the same cheap price.

I bought them. I love them. I could afford them. I have no remorse. That’s how all shopping should be done! Love Forever12!

Sometimes we just need to set basic rules.

1. No dating guys with facial tattoos.
2. No dating guys who jump freight trains to travel the country.
3. No exceptions.
4. Don’t put your parent in a position where they need to make rules like these.

While Sophie and I were checking out a couple books at the local SuperSized get a drink while you check out our cool stuff store, we got to gabbing with the cashier. She mentioned how she was having a hard time getting her brain to work, or her words to come out, since she’s been a mom. No time to eat, think, sleep… and then there is work. She wasn’t complaining, just acknowledging.

I told her how I was in school when Sophie was in elementary school and there were times when I just couldn’t put sentences together. Moms get under so much pressure these days that our systems are simply working on overload and things begin to function properly. It’s normal (in an abnormal world).

She said, “I love my kids. Being a mom is great.”

“Of course. There is no doubt.”

The world needs to value motherhood more. We need our moms to be able to focus on being moms and raising our kids – with our without husbands. We need to be able to be there for our families and live in an environment that is condusive to healthy parenting and child rearing.

Forced marriages due to financial restrictions and over-worked, underpaid parents doesn’t make for a healthy living environment for anyone. This is a governmental issue. Our citizens and their health is the most important commodity of any society and should be valued about all else.

In one of Sophie’s classes she was assigned to draw a famous person mixed with an animal and assigned a word by the teacher.

1. Jim Jarmusch – Raccoon
2. David Lynch – Rat
3. Tim Burton – Weasel

I don’t think any of the animals were meant to have negative conotations rather she just seemed to think they fit with the high contrast black and white photos of the famous people.

Her third choice was going to be one of the ape ladies (Jane Goodall, Diane Fossey, Birute Galdikas) but she couldn’t get a good pic of them any of them in high contrast.

Do you or don’t you strongly encourage the addition of a female so there is more balance. Nahhh… not if the child is already completely strong and fully confident in who she is as a person and it wouldn’t be the best option for the art project. I know Sophie is a complete equalist when it come to the sexes and so creating her project only made her think of cool people who fit the bill of the direction of her imagination. If she knew who Laura Anderson was, perhaps she would have used her – or some other spiky haired female. The path definitely seemed to be somewhat bristly, spiky hair.

The project also wasn’t about celebs or directors. Nonetheless, that was where she went. Cool place to go. Burton has been Sophie’s absolute hands down favorite director for years with, perhaps, Capra in a distant second place. More recently she’s been experiencing Lynch’s work. She had the privilege of watching Blue Velvet recently in a film class. I’ve been waiting for her to be old enough to see (appreciate) this film. Finally, the time came to pass when she saw it with her peers. She loved it. She still has a lot to learn about Jarmusch’s work. She’s never seen Down by Law or Stranger Than Paradise but she’s quite fond of Cigarettes and Coffee and Broken Flowers.

So the date with Tattoo Dude went well. He had Sophie back by 11:00. They liked the art show and had a nice chat over coffee. I can live with that. Very respectful and interesting. Cool. I can live with that.

It looks like Sophie is making interesting friends. There are a lot of kids down here with a cool vibe and artsy mentality. It’s nice to see!

Side note: Sophie likes the art gallery. It shows cool work. I’ve been past it before and have peeked in the window but it wasn’t open. Might be a cool place to show art films. It seems like there might be a nice art community in St. Petersburg.

So there’s this guy in Sophie’s printmaking class that’s been hitting on her. He’s got tattoos which Sophie says are very well done, he’s quite the artist, and he’s tall.

Usually, I would think these are very good qualities in a guy. (Note: Good tats rock. Poorly executed tats suck!) But, as I told Soph, I don’t like him. She asked, “Why? Because of his tattoos?” I think it’s an AIDS thing. You never know where that needle has been. Has he been tested?

Before Sophie was of-the-age-to-date-guys-with-tattoos this question never came up. Now, it’s a whole different story.

I feel very conservative regarding this matter. Tattoos are great. Being an artist is great. Tall is lovely. But, I want tests taken and I want to see the results! That’s probably a mom thing.

Note #1: No, neither of these guys with incredibly cool, unique tattoos are the guy my daughter went out with.

Note #2: If it’s not obvious, most needles are safe when tattooing. Most people take the necessary precautions to ensure safety when working on people. Mothers worry. It’s what we do – whether or not our concerns are legitimate. What I do know about the boy (besides the fact that his art rocks) is that his brother is a well-known artist and gave him the tat.

Note #3: No, I’m not insinuating that Sophie’s going to run off and have sex with a virtual stranger on a first date (nor did that assumption ever cross Sophie’s mind when I told her my AIDS concern) nor am I worried the guy is going to convince Sophie to get a tattoo. I’m sure I’d find something to worry about if the guy were a jock or a nerd. I’m a typical worry-wart of a mom and damn proud of it! Nonetheless, I’m glad he’s an artist. Artists are sensitive creatures and sensitivity is interesting.

Sophie is now going to her last year of high school and her first year of college. It’s probably fairly common all over the States these days that high schoolers can opt out of regular high school classes and into college classes instead.

Taking college classes as a high schooler, in the States, was always the goal for Sophie’s education. All children are different. Therefore each parent needs to decide for themselves if college is the right way to go for their homeschooled high schooler.

Sophie loves to learn and a college environment is probably more conducive to her particular educational desires. College classes are free for high schoolers in Florida. Many of the class credits are transferable to a regular 4-year college. This means your high school student could walk away from high school with an associates degree at no cost to you and with a strong educational head start.

The class options are far more varied at local colleges than at high schools. Sophie has particular interests and her specific needs are better met at the college than through traditional homeschooling practices right now. Also, college classes allows them to be an adult while still being at home. It allows for a gentler process of growing up… perhaps.

Sophie is two months into her first term at college and she seems quite content both academically and with her friends. As a parent, it is comforting to see.

I’ve always created… well, maybe not over the past few years but I’ve learned to create through technology and have needed to create in that realm… for now.

Nonetheless, I’ve always involved Sophie in the process of creating. Creativity isn’t limiting. Math in the educational system is finite. There came a time when it would have been a bit ridiculous to excel Soph further in math. So the question became ‘How does one stimulate their child without boundaries?’ Being ahead in school is a boring subject. Yes, it’s great and wonderful but, honestly, only to a certain degree. I remember when Sophie was in the 5th grade and was tested for grade level – as all homeschooled kids in FL were done at the time (and probably still are). Her reading skills were at a 12 grade level and all of her other scores were beyond where they needed to be.

In my opinion, you want to allow children to excel at their own rate and in their own way. It was clear Sophie needed the option to go continue learning and thinking without limits. How does a family offer that to their child? Simple. Art.

Art allows children to freely and openly create without limits or boundaries. It’s an infinite educational tool. Creativity allows for expansive thinking which allows for new ideas and inventions.

One of the classes I took in school was a sculpture class. One of the styles we worked in was Reliefs. These were projects we need to create at home and bring to class with us once finished.

Sophie likes to create with me. Often we have painted or created art side-by-side. I felt, as a mom, that it was my job to allow access to the process but not to control it. In doing so, I believe that over the years Sophie has developed her own style – which during her time in France she lost do a large degree but is now rediscovering.

The art in this blog was created by Sophie at the approximate age of 5 or 6 years-old. She hasn’t asked me to throw them away. In fact, she liked the tanner piece without realizing it was her own work. That’s what happens when you put things in storage.

Note on Art: The top piece is a plaster relief made inside a box which was later removed. the objected used to create the art are all found objects. The sun, for instance, consists of nails for the rays and a rubber rim (possible used for car or plumbing??). The mom’s dress is a door hinge. Her hair is made of twisty-ties. There is no paint involved in this piece. Etc…

In the second piece, the plaster relief has been painted lightly. The use of found objects is much more prominent with springs sticking out and bolts prominently displayed in the heart.

Art Kids Makes at School

My older daughter and I have recently moved back to the States after living in France for three plus years. We’ve had some of our belongings in storage which are now just rejoining the family.

Sophie‘s childhood artwork is coming out of storage. You know, little things like her handprint and a little dough heart she made in elementary school. I love these pieces of art. They have sentimental value. My daughter made them. Sophie on the other hand looked at them and said, “It’s okay if we throw those away. It won’t hurt my feelings. I know they’re bad.”

Clearly, it was time for Sophie and I to have a talk. I decided to explain to Sophie how my younger daughter really enjoyed making these pieces and brought them home proudly and that I have very fond memories relating to the experiences. I understand that my older daughter doesn’t like them and that’s okay but that we’d keep them anyway.

I’m sure more of you have figured out that both the younger and older daughter are Sophie. When I put it in the above framework she understood where I was coming from and why they would continue to hang in the kitchen.

One of the things I love most about my country, America, is Americana. I love Vegas, Big Sur, Randy’s Donut, the soft white sandy beaches of Florida’s Gulf Coast, wrestling, independent film, Devil’s Tower, The Mammoth Site, Superman in Acropolis, The Jolly Green Giant in Blue Earth MN, MoMa, the races (small town dirt tracks), Disney, the Chrysler building, huge dinosaurs by the side of the road… all those things that are genuinely American.

One thing I’ve learned about America since I’ve been away from it for over three years now is just how special a country we have. I always loved it and am fully aware of its problems but I didn’t realize how accepting Americans are of all cultures and peoples. Yes, we’re bigoted pigs. Yes, we hate. Yes, we need to work on education, health care, concern for children and senors, and equality for women… but still even with all of our flaws we are an absolutely beautiful and open country.

Americans are accepting of others and don’t feel everyone should be of the same mold. America values individualism, free speech and the right to choose – perhaps less with some of the conservative crap that ‘s been choking our country lately… but that’s something we can work on. And even still, we are so much more open and liberal minded toward the rights of individuals than any place else I’ve lived.

If you’re in my country, value it. Know how fortunate we, as a people, are to have such a wonderful home. If your community is lacking know you have the right and the power as a citizen to work toward positive change. Americans are blessed.

I never knew how proud I was to be an American until I went elsewhere. I was always proud of my identity but since I knew no other it was never really in the forefront of my thinking. Now I’ve seen different and can confidently say that as a whole, we have the best people and come from the best mindset. We’ve got a lot to work on if we want our country to remain strong and proud… so let’s work on it! We’re worth it… and besides, it’s our country.